I’m no child development expert. However, I love my child (plus I love sleep), and therefore have an intrinsic interest on the subject of sleep, or “sleep-training” my newborn. I also get dozens of questions thrown my way on a daily basis from readers, friends, and colleagues alike on this very topic. So here goes my two cents on the very critical issue of sleep for bubs.
We were very lucky in that munchkin is now sleeping through the night (generally from 6:30pm to 6:30am – thereabouts), and has been sleeping through the night for some time now (since about 10/11 weeks-old, or a little over two months). We were also lucky that we didn’t have to formally “sleep train” him or implement the process of CIO, or “crying it out,” as the Nuke just sort of slipped into this pattern on his own.
… Or did he?
Some tips and lessons I've carved out along the way.
1) Your baby needs to nap throughout the day. Period. Sleep begets sleep (just ask Harvey Karp), and this becomes all the more critical as your baby develops. In the beginning 1-5 weeks, babies generally need to feed every 2-3-4 hours, so that doesn’t count (I suppose in that case they’re just forever napping!). However, at some stage, you do need to be mindful of a general “napping” timeline. A midwife friend of mine told me, when Nuke was 11 weeks, that as a general rule of thumb, babies should not be awake for more than 90 minutes at a time, and I found that to be a pretty useful framework. Some of my son’s favorite places to nap are his swings and bouncers (a Godsend if you ask me!). So far we've been fans of the Fisher-Price swings, lamb, puppy, bunny, we've got them all! His favorite remains to be the Snugabunny Cradle 'N Swing (see here).
2) Lullabies are an absolute key. Most baby sleeping experts or books will tell you to stick by a routine when it comes to putting your baby down. For some it can be rather elaborate, for others, it seems extremely simple (bless them!). I’ve found, overtime, that the best thing to do is to play something soothing for the Nuke. We really like Baby Blanket Music tunes, it’s gentle enough for the little one, and also fun for the adult! (See prior feature here). Additionally, I’ve recently discovered that both myself and the Nuke are fans of Lullaby Classics by Baby Einstein. I personally love it because I recognize so many of the songs that I used to play on the piano (I know I know… but like I said, something for the parent, so you’re not bored to tears with Twinkle Twinkle Little Star).
Who buys CDs nowadays you ask? Fair enough – but the good thing is, you could always download and consolidate them on your iPod, and this way you can pretty much play them anywhere! My dad swears by Melody of the Night for our Nuke on iCloud. I guess he’s just way cooler than I am.
3) For city moms, a stroll or a baby-carrying walk can do the trick. For my little one, it still varies, because what worked the first few weeks (a stroll in his Bugaboo Chameleon, for instance, see week 1 and week 4), no longer works so effectively now. However, toting him around in his baby Ergo still does the trick. Now, if only the weather will improve!
4) For moms who have access to a car, car-rides can be ah-mazing! No joke. I discovered this during munchkin’s first Thanksgiving at my parents' home. It was also a difficult time for us, since he wasn’t eating very well and we discovered that car rides not only helped him nap, it also helped him sleep. Double score!!
5) If you can, try to get help or a night nurse (especially during those first critical weeks). I know that this is a loaded piece of advice, and I also recognize that we are lucky to have the resources, at least initially, to hire some help. It’s not a perfect science, and you can always have family and even friends to help out. But having somebody there the initial few weeks (we had a nurse up until Nukie was 9 weeks) is key, not only in aiding your ability to fuel up at night, but also in your capacity to observe and learn from your little one’s feeding and sleeping patterns. We’ve also looked into the possibility of hiring somebody who does “professional sleep-training,” but the scheduling just didn’t work out. I was told that post-partum doulas have worked magic for some folks. At any rate, I can write a lengthy feature just on the topic of hiring help alone. Another time, perhaps.
6) Dream-feed. Yes, I know this issue is controversial, and yes – I know that it doesn’t work for every baby. However, nothing works for every baby since these little bundles are all tremendously unique – so here goes. We started to dream feed when munchkin was about 2 months. In fact, we were specifically advised by our pediatrician during his 2 months well visit to try it out. It worked wonders for us, since Nukie was half asleep around his last feed of the day anyhow (typically ranging anywhere between 9-11pm). Eventually, we decided to just let him sleep (if he doesn’t stir), and simply feed him while he’s in his own little dream world. It’s not an exact science per se, but I’ve noticed that if the Nuke tanks up during the day, then his proclivity towards eating tapers off later on in the night (hence, minimal dream-feed needed). However, if, on the other hand – he’s over-excited or thrown off his course during the day… and happens to feed less than usual, then he will dream-feed his heart out and eventually catch up. Either way, dream-feeding the little tyke allows us to round out his eating schedule, which can be incredibly helpful to any parent, no less newbies such as ourselves.
7) The magic of paci. "These things are amazing!" I remember a friend of ours saying while I was still pregnant. At the time, of course, I hadn't quite developed my true appreciation for the magic of the paci. Mind you, not every baby takes to a paci, but the Nuke certainly does, and I'm pretty darn happy about it! After all, sucking is a natural reflex that all babies, especially newborns, share. Harvey Karp even included this as part of his 5 S's in his Happiest Baby on the Block book (Swaddling, Sucking, Shushing, Swinging, and Side/stomach position). In my view, I'd rather have my baby suck on a paci than some stranger's finger (which did occur at the hospital, not lying).
Again, this is a controversial subject, since some healthcare givers are concerned about the potential adverse impact which a pacifier might have on nursing (and weaning). This wasn't an issue in our case, and I found that the pacifier does wonders to soothe our little peanut, particularly when he has his sporadic fits in the middle of the night. Nuke's favorite pacis are the MAMbaby ones, which he'd taken to ever since coming home from the hospital (last featured here). At around 4 months or so, he also became partial to his thumb, which has the added benefit of "self-soothing." If it were up to me, I'd like him to stick with the paci rather than his thumb (easier to break away from later). However, if it's 3am in the morning, and he prefers to self-soothe with his thumb, who am I to judge?
Either way... my recommendation for parents would be, if your baby takes to the paci, then by all accounts go for it! There are many arguments for and against using one, but in reality, much like everything else, you need to do what's best for you. Nuke is already beginning to wean himself away from his binkie during the day (we know parents who take their babies off of paci usage entirely by 6 months), but he's still a sucker for these little puppies (pun intended) overall!
So there you have it! A rough framework on the incredibly lengthy subject of sleep – recognizing, of course, that all babies are different and anything can change. Having done some research, according to the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, 80% of babies are categorized as "easy," (i.e., good little nappers during the day, sound sleepers at night), while 20% of babies are just plain difficult and hard to read (i.e., lacking your standard sleepy cues such as yawns, eye rubs, yelps, ear pulling, etc). A well-sleeping baby today may go off the rail while he’s teething, going through growth spurts, or any other developmental milestones/challenges that these munchkins get up to. So nothing is to be taken for granted these days.
All the more reason to be battle-prepped, I say!
