Last night I laid out my munchie’s outfit for school. It was the first time I’d done so in a looong time, and I must admit, there was a definite sense of accomplishment that went with the entire act.
Yes, I know, it’s a completely frivolous act, but it gives me that tangible sense of proximity to my child which, sadly, is sometimes lacking as I go about my daily routine as a working mom. For a period of time, when things got really hectic, there were days where I’d hardly see my son, and those were some dark days.
To be fair, not everybody loves the intricacies of dressing up as much as I do… and not every mum is as passionate about the art of accessorizing as much as I am. That said, I just can’t help but squeal in delight when I see him putting on his own little fedora and picking out his belts and high-tops for school. I’d like to attribute this to my own “personal touch,” before he abandons me fully and with utter abandon for the world of boyhood, monster trucks, sports, and all things muddy.
It’s also hard to imagine that Rockshic baby only has THREE MORE MONTHS OF SCHOOL left after the end of March! (April, May, June). Hazzah… and wouldn’t you know it, by September he’ll be in full-on uniforms. I’m having a major #momlife meltdown just thinking about this.
Happy Wednesday you guys! Looks like the weather is quite lovely outside… I’m looking forward to leaving the office soon to chase some rainbows with my little guy.
For more styles you can check out daily outfit lookbooks at Rockshicbaby #ootd #mommystylist
His usual routine. Apparently, he loves to walk the last block or so on his own, and even parks the stroller right outside of his school! #preschooltot
I’m a bit bleary-eyed, it’s been a long day, and as usual , I’ve been dilly-dallying (hubs’ words, not mine).
That said, I wanted to share some exciting news!!!
Today, my little Rockshic baby has *finally* turned at school, where he didn’t cry at all when my husband dropped him off in the morning. In fact, the exact debrief that came from hubby (via text of course) was:
“Completely awesome drop-off. We walked the last two blocks with him pushing his stroller and then he walked up the stairs all by himself for the first time. Walked into the classroom, no stress, he walked up and looked at our family photo [yes we have those in the room]… Kissed me goodbye and said, “bye daddy.”
No tears, no stress, a happy boy.”
This was subsequently followed by:
“I was so thrilled with him this morning. I was walking on air. So proud of him!!”
Words of elation, which (believe me when I say this), hubs does not use lightly. He even rang me in the morning (another thing we don’t typically do during the work-day given our hectic schedules) and reiterated again on how awesome our monkey was.
It took exactly two weeks and change for us to get here, ever since the first day of school.
Still!
There is something quite momentous to this day, as it marks a major leap-forward for us in the right direction. Gone are the days of counting how long it took him to settle down after we left (me thinks, though it could all change tomorrow). What can I say, we just don’t have one of those kids that will blissfully run off on the first day of school and acclimate seamlessly. In fact, things got so ugly during the first few days that we quickly decided to revamp our tactics and stick to a strict morning routine. My husband would always do the drop-offs in the morning (barring travel and other extraneous circumstances), and I would always help feed/dress/prep our little monkey before the two of them dash out the door.
The magic word here being routine routine routine. What can I say, kids love themselves some routine.
Speaking of our morning routines. I wanted to share with you my new Instagram account “RockshicBaby.” Feel free to check it out /share/follow. Given that I had so many readers ask me for baby/toddler styling tips – I thought that this was a perfect forum to document my son’s daily get-ups, particularly as he’s started school. It’s fun, and also helps me as I conceptualize our day.
Well well… so here we are! I never imagined that this day would arrive so quickly, but my baby is all grown up and starting school! Feels like just yesterday he was born, and then we were celebrating his 1 year birthday.
Okay, so technically, it’s preschool, and to some people, not considered to be REAL school. Million dollar question, exactly what is the real difference between preschool and day-care anyways? I feel like this warrants an entirely new post all on its own, but in a nutshell, my personal take on preschool is that preschool is intended to be more tailored and education-based than day-care (not to mention shorter in duration, and generally pricier when you break down the cost per hour, but I digress). For more info see my recent post on the Preschool Application Process.
So… today was little man’s first day!
Yesterday we had a two-hour orientation at his new school (which in my view made all the difference in the world, that, plus his little “preview to school” back in April). However, today marked the official day where we dropped him off at school, said good-bye, and then left him in a classroom with his teachers and fellow classmates (in other words, complete and utter strangers).
Perhaps it was the tremendous success that was yesterday’s two-hour orientation, or maybe it was my own delusion of grandeur shrouded beneath a sleep-deprived cloud, but for some reason, I had thought that “Drop-off” today would be somewhat effortless, that we would simply wave farewell at our son and he would be all good.
Mind you, this wishful thinking was at least half-fulfilled. That is to say, things seemed to go swimmingly when my husband came on to bat.
He went over there, emotional and in bits (poor man, I think he’s taking this entire process much harder than I), approaches our Nuke baby (who was busy playing with a fire truck of sorts), and said, “Alright, Daddy has to leave now and go to work. I love you son.” In turn, our baby boy gave his sweet dad a great big hug and said, “bye Daddy!” It was a merry wave – touching, really.
Wow, I thought, this is fantastic! At this rate, he won’t even notice when I’ve left.
I was wrong.
I tried piggy-packing off of my husband’s great efforts, approaching our little man moments later, and said “alright mommy has to leave now.” I even followed this up with: “I’ll be back in two hours, and I’ll be downstairs for a bit if you need me.” Totally reasonable and innocuous sounding, right?
Suffice to say, this did not bode well with the boy, and shortly thereafter my Nuke baby flung his hands in the air frantically yelling “Mommy bao bao!!” (Mandarin for “carry me”, it’s his new catch-phrase for whenever he doesn’t want to do something… or simply wants to be carried). He mouthed this phrase repeatedly, and kept holding on to the string of my dress as I tried to tear away. In retrospect, it was all a bit heartbreaking, mixed in with a sprinkle of comedy (what is life if you can’t laugh at these moments anyway?)
I felt like all eyes were on me at that point (okay it may have been self-induced, but still – somehow it felt like an out-of-body experience). If I had to be frank, I think an extreme sense of bewilderment took over me, which was then met with a complete form of numbness that's difficult to describe. (Damn! I thought, how did hubs get away so seamlessly?). Just then, of course, the “Hello song” had been commenced (yes, this is a thing), and I was basically told to sit down on the mat… and go with the flow.
I won’t bore you with the remaining details of the day – in a nutshell, I made my great escape shortly after the Hello Song. It was my moment of reckoning, if you will, my one true form of retreat, as I didn’t see any other window of opportunity where I could make a clean break. I know this may sound a bit heartless, but I really did not want to hang out there all day (okay so not technically all-day but until 11:30am, which is when school ends). What would be the point of that I thought? I certainly didn’t want my son to get in the habit of having me around, misleading him into thinking that this is what school is like.
So there you have it, I left after the Hello Song had wrapped up. I went downstairs into the parent-teacher lounge and mingled a bit with the other first day parents, swapped some stories, gulped down some coffee, and called it a day before I had to come back and pick him up again.
A mother’s guilt can be a new-found form of torture. In my mind, I wonder whether I was “that mom,” the one who had effectively abandoned her child, or whether I had done the right thing and made that clean break, and thereby officially outlining a form of structure for my kid, at an age where he desperately needs structure. We’ll never know – that’s the greatest beauty (and torment) when it comes to parenting, it’s unique to each family, and intrinsic to individual judgment.
All to say… first day of school? Check. Whether or not separation will unveil to be a tortuous process, we shall find out in due time.
I know that I sound like a total broken record, but, I CAN’T BELIEVE MY BABY IS GOING TO SCHOOL!!!
P.S. Is it seriously September already?! Somebody shake me, please.
Happy Monday! Mamma’s down with a wee bit of a cold (most unfortunate), and also not super pleased with this altogether dreary weather we’ve been experiencing all day. Though I am taking tomorrow off just to be with my jelly-bean – so things are starting to look up as far as I’m concerned!
Before I unplug to be with my little man (I can’t emphasize to you how much I am looking forward to this btw! Especially as I’ll be leaving him this coming weekend), I wanted to share some insights, or, lessons learned, if you will, from the recent Downtown NYC Preschool Panel that I helped coordinate.
This is the second year that I facilitated the event, and I feel like I’ve grown and learned so much over the process, especially having gone through the arduous preschool application process myself. In the end, we went with the school that was closest to our home (a mere 5 minute walk!), and one which gave us the best vibes when we first visited as a family (also didn’t hurt that it reminded hubs of his childhood school growing up in New Zealand).
So what have we all learned? Below are some key takeaways by yours truly and our wonderful local community of moms and dads.
Moderating last Wednesday's panel -- that's me, all business, sitting in the far left, wearing my favorite Yumi Kim floral top (last seen here)
Location location location. Almost all parents commented on the fact that they wouldn’t want a school that’s more than a 15 minute walk from their house. Sometimes this may not be feasible (we had one mum commuting daily from the Flatiron to Clinton Street), but where possible, try to observe the sacred proximity rule. This has truly been a brutal winter here in NYC, and getting a two year old ready in the morning and out the door of a New York-sized apartment is no small task! You really don’t want to add the extra commuting X-factor. Believe me, when hubs and I initially began our preschool search (precisely one year ago) – we had lofty thoughts of Tribeca, Soho, and West Village. In the end, however, we nixed the idea of having to deal with subways, cabs, and car service, and just went with the good old traditional walking route.
Observe the teachers. This is SUPER key, and one which should have come as a no-brainer to me from the get-go (though sadly I must admit that it didn’t). While the schools themselves might deliver savvy powerpoint presentations & film clips at open-houses, and the school administrator may be able to walk the walk and talk the talk on tours – it is the teachers that your child will ultimately be interacting with – all day everyday. So it is absolutely critical for you, and more importantly, your child, to like and feel comfortable around these teachers. Otherwise, it’s pretty much game over.
Leave the skepticism at home. This is why I like hosting these Bowery Babes events so much because the local parents absolutely keep it real and tell you like it is (more so than you would get anywhere else). For instance, if you have reservations about the school you're applying to... interviews and open houses are most definitely NOT the appropriate venues by which to express your cynicism. Save the smack-talking for your friends over cocktails! After all, you’ve already put in half the effort when it comes to all the research, application fees, interviews, online essays, and the works – why not go the extra mile and turn up bright eyed and bushy-tailed… and act genuinely interested and invested in the school? I wish I would have abided by this piece of advice myself. Sigh… hindsight is always 20-20 isn't it?
Trust your gut. If you feel out of place at your child’s school, it’s because you are – and your child will be too. I know that this sounds harsh but that's only because deep down inside we all know it's true. Worse still, you will pass on your anxiety to him/her, and that would just be the worst. Sure, this is Manhattan private preschools we’re talking about… so yes – chances are it’s going to be a LITTLE bit fancy, even at the most laid back of laid back private schools. That said – I know enough now to know that there is a WIDE array of private schools and snobbery factors out there, and you’re much better off going to a school where you feel some sense of belonging and connection with the local community, parents, teachers, and school administrators. You may think that you’re being aspirational by choosing an ultra fancy school, but it will most likely just come back to haunt you when other mums won't even respond to your playdate calls and the teachers don't have one nice thing to say about your child. Yes, true story. Sad, no? Don't make that mistake. Look at a school and think, will my family fit in here?
Don’t follow your friends. This is a little bit of a tricky one, since we all love our friends and want to fit in. But the best piece of advice a fellow parent gave us was: “don’t send your child somewhere just because your good friend is sending their child/children there, you guys may have completely different philosophies when it comes to parenting!” So true. The right/best school may not be same for everybody, and just because one family likes a school, it really doesn’t mean that you will too (or vice versa). This goes back to #4 – just trust yourselves!
Do a drive-by. Before all of the paperworks are signed and you hand over the equivalent of a mortgage in most states, try your best to do a “trial” at your child's future school. Attend a class with your munchkin, swing by in the morning and observe drop-offs. Seriously, put on some shades and look super sketchy if you must just to peep the scene (because this is imperative). This will help you get a much better sense of the school when everything is not so polished and rehearsed. It’s also a nice opportunity to discover more anecdotal information about the school (i.e., were parents doing the drop-offs themselves or was it all caretakers? What are the children like? The moms? How do the faculty coordinate the kids in the mornings? Is it an absolute chaotic zoo or a lovely/charming place to be, or perhaps a mixture of both?).
Where possible, attend every event with your partner (and yes, if the school invites you to an event, any event, it would behoove you to go!) This doesn’t just apply to interviews, but if there are other organized events coordinated by your prospective preschool, I would say – most definitely GO and make sure to attend with your partner while you’re at it, showcase your family as a dedicated, cohesive unit. Between our varied work and travel schedules, we actually violated this cardinal rule ourselves, and the competitive, A+ student in me kinda wishes that we hadn’t (though it really wouldn’t have made a blind bit of difference in our ultimate decision making). Just to give you the full scoop, in the end, we were accepted by seven schools, waitlisted at one, and flat out rejected by two (one being a Coop). For the two rejections, I had missed an interview and hubby had missed the other. These factors may or may not be interlinked, but having been personally told by the Coop (after the fact of course) that they wanted BOTH parents to be physically present at the interview – well… you can do the math. Okay, so I realize that this means that we had applied to ten schools and I totally mea culpa, what can I say, we (and by we I probably mean I) went a little bit nutso with the whole application process.
The writing’s on the wall. Or in this case, the paintings. I didn’t think so much about this myself, but one of the mums at last week’s panel mentioned the importance of artworks. “No matter where I go, I check out the art on the wall by the children, and it tells me a lot about the schools.” Art! Ding ding ding!!! How could I have missed this being that I’m an artist’s daughter myself? No matter where you are, you would be doing yourself a disservice if you didn’t pay at least a little bit of attention to the artwork that’s displayed on the walls. Sure, when the kids are super young it probably doesn’t matter, but ultimately, as they grow older, you want a child to be able to express his or her creativity freely and willfully, without conforming to a particular norm at such a young age. So the next time you look up at the artwork in a prospective school, ask yourselves – are all of the skies painted blue? More important, should they be?
So there you have it -- I hope that the above reaches the mommies and daddies out there and serves as a helpful resource along the way. I know I know... this is preschool we’re talking about, hardly earth-shattering, PhD-worthy stuff. But at the same time, this is your CHILD we’re dealing with – the most magical, mystical creature to have ever conquered your heart and being. If I could give my son the best of me, all day and everyday, I would. Sadly, that is simply not feasible, (for his sanity and mine), so for me, the next best thing would be to find him a nurturing home in the form of a well-selected and thoughtfully orchestrated preschool.
Also, I would highly recommend purchasing this book, a directory to Manhattan Nursery Schools. We call it "the Bible," and it's proven to be a super helpful way to index and search all our options as we endeavored upon our search.
Oh yeah… and let’s not forget, if you’re like us – then you’re paying more for your child’s preschool education than your parents ever did for your college tuition. That said – why not make the most of this experience for your little one and your entire family? It would be a win-win for everybody.
Our little guy! Barely one year old and at his very first preschool interview... I remember this day like it was yesterday. Of course, he was fabulous and I was a hot mess ;)
Aloha guys, hope everybody had a lovely weekend. It has certainly been one busy week since Mother’s day last Sunday, and this mamma has barely had any time to sit down and breath, let alone write. What’s more, we leave tomorrow for St. Lucia!! (who-hoo!!! I really cannot wait to hit the beach with hubs and bubs). The epic packing is almost done, and we’re only going for four days (sheesh!).
Before I leave you though, I wanted to share with you the following, as many of you know, I am heavily involved on the education panel for the Bowery Babes, a community of downtown NYC moms, and this is my second year coordinating the Bowery Babes Downtown Preschool Panel. If you know anything about the excruciating Manhattan private school system, you know that this one is a biggie. Preschool in Manhattan begins at the age of 2 (you can opt to enroll at 3 as well), and it requires a pretty thorough application and interview process. Note, all of which must begin when your child is barely one!!! (I remember we had to go through this well before our Nuke baby’s first birthday. I will say, however, that the preschool application process is NOT as terrible as Kindergarten (many will tell you that that’s probably the single-most stressful thing they’ve ever gone through… I know, it’s that level of cray around here)
…. But preschool, in my view, is a pretty good dry-run for Kindergarten.
At any rate, if you’re interested, please do sign-up while space is still available! This year, we opened it up to non-Bowery Babes members as well, and you can sign-up for the preschool panel via the following link on Eventbrite. We expect to have a good line-up of veteran mommies and daddies sharing their war stories (what better than to have it all come straight from the horse’s mouth?).
Schools represented will be: City and Country, Washington Market, West Village Nursery School, World Class Learning Academy, Corlears, and Preschool of the Arts.
Based in Manhattan's Lower East Side, Rock Shic is an excerpt taken from my personal lookbook of real people around the world. It is a combination of aesthetics, fashion, lifestyle, and travel. I also offer personalized Lookbook Consulting and Styling upon request. Please contact me at rockshic (at) gmail (dot) com. Services include: Wardrobe Analysis, Closet Organization, and Personal Shopping.
