I had lunch today with a good friend of mine who's expecting, and I couldn't be more thrilled for her. We got to talking, and quickly became excited over all things related to maternity fashion, nursery prep, birthing experience, the list goes on and on.
One of the things we discussed, which left a particular imprint in my mind, was how to deal with work -- specifically going back to work and the like. It's been nearly a year now since I returned back to the office myself, and below are some basics that I'd like to share from my own experience... would love to learn what yours was like!!!
1) Insert yourself back to the work grind gradually -- Check your blackberry, write a few e-mails... I know it's a drag and you don't really want to think about it while you're spending precious time with bubs, but it does help to reach out to office colleagues, boss, or mentor before your official return, just to get back into the groove and also get the dish on the latest office dynamics. My personal experience has demonstrated that people are far more likely to be themselves when you're conversing outside of these office walls, and maternity leave is no exception.
2) Try to find yourself a completely new professional role if possible. I'm not saying switch companies or careers necessarily -- but if you do have the ability -- try to find a brand new gig for yourself within your current organization, whether that's just a new team or perhaps even a new department or function. Push yourself, do something different and possibly more challenging! Your professional-self will thank you later. Just think you'll be entering entirely new terrain in all aspects of your life after having children and your career is no different. From my personal observation, the women who tend to adjust the best are those who return to a new work dynamic. This way, you don't feel so sidelined and disappointed when you're back at work, or get hang-ups about how things USED to be. Believe me, I've been there, and it's tough.
3) Learn the ins and outs of your maternity benefits and go from there. This will help you plan and map out everything you need to square away at work. Believe me, this piece of admin is important. Generally, within the U.S. -- the maternity benefits are pretty poor compared to Europe, the UK, and the antipodes (pretty much any other developed country really). FMLA allows you 12 weeks of paid maternity leave, 14 weeks if you had a C-section (which still does not quite make sense to me, and I HAD a c-section, but that's a story for another time). Note also that this is not consistently applied across companies. The rest is pretty much based on your employer, so best you learn the details early. Some of their policies make no sense (for instance, I couldn't use all of my vacation days and had a roll-over into 2014… really?). But all in all, it will help you better gauge how to plan your days off and, where applicable, your baby-moon!
4) Enjoy the time you have with your little bundle and take the maximum time off that you can. Just do it. Believe me, you won’t regret it later. Coming back just a week or two (or three) earlier won’t make a blind bit of difference in terms of how you acclimate back to work or how far you advance professionally (unless, of course, you do it for financial reasons, which is an entirely different story). You’re going to get sidelined and pushed into a corner in the beginning no matter what, I've been there and I’ve also seen it happen to others. It’s normal, it happens. If you’re really good at what you do, you’ll be able to catch up and thereby nail those sexy assignments. All of this takes time, sweat, sacrifice, and dedication – but most of all time. Just remember, everybody works at their own pace, and coming back from maternity is no different.
5) Find your allies at work, remember them, and keep them. I’m not one for savvy office politics, but one thing that I do have is an extremely good memory. I remember who was there for me and who was not – and I think it’s good to keep score in this particular instance, and just work out which folks went out of their way to help you acclimate after you came back, and which ones were just straight up lame. It’s not so much score-keeping, it’s more of a vehicle to see people’s true colors and gauge their professional moral compass. Plus, it's always nice to see who's got your back.
So, I hope that some of this will resonate and serve as an aid for any woman who is preparing to return to the work place after having a baby. It’s an incredibly arduous, stress-provoking, and for many of us, ceaselessly difficult process – and I don’t know if you ever learn the ropes completely but you do your best and adapt. For me, it was also hard to eat that humble pie and realize that just when I thought I had it all figured out, my baby goes and pulls a 180 on me and changes his routine entirely.
That’s just life for you, but hang in there and things DO get easier!!!
