With my official due date technically past (I’m now at 40 weeks + 4!), you would think that hubby and I have our whole baby-name thing squared away.
Not true.
In all fairness, we had begun the process, much like many other couples, ages ago – right when we first found out that little Nukie was going to be a boy.
Yet somehow it never seemed to me like we've devoted enough time and thought into the whole naming effort. Were we being too flippant? Is it meant to be this easy? Are we not taking the whole process as seriously as we should? It always seems so much easier, from the outside looking in, the way other parents name their children. It makes me wonder, do those people ever agonize over names, or does it just come fluidly for them?
Some folks figure out their kid’s name right away, perhaps even go so far as to refer to the baby by name throughout their entire pregnancy. Others take the age-old traditional course of naming them “Jr,” or after a member of the family lineage.
I suppose in a way, names are identity-defining and quite possibly one of the more noteworthy decisions you will make as a parent (hello Freakonomics!). But then again, even that argument is highly contestable in my book. For instance, I named myself when I came to this country at the age of nine, and actually found the entire process to be quite smooth and surprisingly empowering. Some people also change their names as they get older. A colleague of mine once told me that her brother had changed his surname to “Crisis,” which, one could argue, is an extreme case of name-changing and re-identification.
What you name your child may also pop up later in life under the most unlikeliest of contexts. Eight years ago, hubby and I were at a party where we met a guy whose name was “Ysiad.” How exotic! We thought… was he from Israel? “It’s actually my mom’s name ‘Daisy,’ spelled backwards.” He responded casually.
That encounter did, in fact, stay with me forever. We jokingly said that if we had kids, we’d name our child “Nipsirc.” Thankfully, for all parties involved, we never took this particular approach seriously (unlike my “Lion King” nostalgia decorations).
So how, exactly, do you arrive at the perfect name? (And when do you know that you’ve done enough to find that name?) This question has plagued me for many months (though it appears that time is on my side!). I could literally feel my cortisone level rising whenever a well-meaning acquaintance would ask, “so have you guys thought of a name?” Often, I'd feel super guilty for procrastiating on the name-front, and would then badger hubby by saying, “we’re not doing enough on names!”
For what it’s worth, here are some general tips and takeaways I can offer from my own name-seeking adventure over the past months:
1. To begin with, there are certainly plenty of online resources, for instance, I found the “modern names for boys” link particularly inspiring, and it prompted me to generate my own spreadsheet of names back in June. That might have marked our first breakthrough – unless you count the time in late February when hubby and I sat inside of Asia Dog, munching on kimchi sliders while googling “awesome Gaelic/Scottish names.” Why, there are even apps for names that could help you along the way!
2. For me, the good-old fashioned books approach is always handy. Our second major "naming breakthrough" took place one Sunday afternoon in early July, when I insisted that we head to McNally Jackson, our local book store on 52 Prince, and properly go through ALL of the baby-naming resources they had in stock. We sifted through dozens of books and came home with three. (1) The Baby Name Bible; (2) 100,000 Baby Names; and (3) Bring Back Beatrice. In all fairness, I’m not sure how much the books actually helped, as we kept arriving at the same names over and over again… though I will say that, hands down, I found 100,000 Baby Names to be the most helpful out of the lot.
3. It’s helpful to talk with others about your names (preferably your partner!). For a while there, I think I was driving hubby insane by repeating names to him every night as we got into bed (at one stage he threatened to throw my Kindle out the window because he hated the sources so much). “Just because you say it over and over again, does not mean that I will like it any better,” would be his customary response. Little did he know that I was doing this as much for his benefit as I was for my own. Sometimes, you just need to articulate something out loud (preferably in front of another person) before you can make a decision. I’m also not immune to vetting names among friends and colleagues. Some people prefer to keep their baby’s names shrouded in secrecy, with more restricted access than an impending IPO. For us, it was a bit more casual – we wanted people’s opinions… that is, until we didn’t.
4. Have a short-list if you can, and bring it with you to the hospital (seriously!). You have until they disbatch you to fill out the baby’s birth certificate, so theoretically you could change your mind after you meet your baby. (What if she just doesn’t look like a “Daniella?”). My haunch is that nine times out of ten, you’ll go with your first choice – but hey, you never know.
5. One last thing that a colleague of mine noted, which certainly stuck, was to make sure that you (or more likely your partner) fill out those registration forms neatly! Evidently, her husband had botched handwriting and as a result, they had to readjust their son’s birth certificate. What a pain!
6. Better still, make sure your kid's initials don't spell out something funky ('lest there be some unintended consequences!). I was told by a friend recently that some poor child's initials accidentally came out as A.S.S. When in doubt, always proof-read first! In our case, we have a family middle name planned that begins with "X," so luckily I believe we're safe.
The lesson drawn, at the end of the day, is that you have to do what’s best for you when it comes to naming your own kid. For me, it was a case of off-and-on wavering, interspersed with moments of intense clarity. Though eventually, I came to the realization that whatever I did, I would arrive at the exact same shortlist of “names I liked.” Tonight culminated in one of those “aha” moments when hubby and I each put our respective top 5’s in Excel, only to realize that about three of them actually overlapped. Wouldn’t you know it, we both had the same number one choice for Nukie.
So there you have it! There is no perfect science to finding the ideal name, as much as I’d like there to be one.
